Now With More Swag!

This past Sunday Mr Man and I, along with another couple, decided to take a day trip to Montreal. Such live wires, we are. The day's agenda: a little smoked meat and shopping. We hit Schwartz's at lunchtime on a Sunday, because we are all about living on the edge. We were quickly ushered to four stools at the counter, where our orders were placed and executed with all the precision of a military campaign. There is no dallying here, no pondering the merits between medium fat and lean. You sit, you order, five seconds later you eat. But it is so, so good. Who cares if people waiting in line stare at you menacingly while you scarf down a sandwich in record time, your coat and purse bunched on your lap. Who cares if you have to eat with an elbow jammed in your back, and making it to the counter to pay is akin to Friday night roller derby. There is no caring when faced with the most perfect sandwich ever to grace a plate. Plus the pickles. And Cott's Black Cherry Soda. You just can't get that shit in Ottawa, people.

Then the menfolk went to the army surplus store to do manly men things - things that you can tell are very manly because they come from a store that smells somewhat funky and carries things in various shades of murky green. Everything. In. Green. Manly green. No chartreuse here. No lime. No celadon. Which made the the screaming pink camo pants seem even more out of place - unless someone was planning to do some late night maneuvers at the nearest Victoria's Secret outlet.

All that manliness had to be counteracted with a frothy latte with sprinkles, and then a detour to the yarn store. Can I just say right now how much I love the internet. Really. Type in "yarn stores montreal" and in minutes you are planning out a list of stores both within range and open on Sunday. How much awesomeness is that? We ended up at Effiloche, which is honestly the store I would own if I owned a yarn store. So fantastic. I wanted to pull up some yarn and just move right in, but that would have been even weirder than normal. Their fabric selection made me want to take up sewing, or quilting, or something, anything, as long as I could have an excuse to buy. Fabric with little adorable birds and quotes from 50's era children's books. Fantastic prints in fantastic colours: orange, teal, lime, raspberry. No murky green here. With monumental effort, I managed to resist - this time. I also managed to resist accosting anyone with a camera, which is an improvement (even if I would have so totally asked the woman working if she would consent to a picture with my sock in progress if it hadn't become really busy just as we were about to leave.) I like to pretend it was a win for normalcy, even so. I did come away with some fantastic yarn, and even stayed within my budget. Will wonders never cease?

swag-o-rama:

Facebook Made Me Do It

So everyone on Facebook is interviewing their kids, how could I resist? Resistance - totally futile. Totally.

Teagan is four.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
I love you.

2. What makes mom happy?
Doing a good job.

3. What makes mom sad?
When I hit you.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Tickling.

5. What was your mom like as a child?.
I dont know, I wasn't born yet!

6. How old is your mom?
I don't know - that's a lot!

7. How tall is your mom?
So tall!

This is a lot of questions about you. What about questions about me?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Work.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Do classes with Carolyn.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Can you answer this question for me, I don't really understand.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Spelling Nick Jr!

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Getting Blues Clues to work on Pauls computer.

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Make sure people buy things.

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Salad.

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
When you listen to me.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Maybe a squirrel or a raccoon.

17. What do you and your mom do together?
We snuggle. Play games. Lots!

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We're not very the same.

19. How are you and your mom different?
We have different coloured hair.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because she loves me SO MUCH.

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
To work.

You know, we are talking an awful lot of things about you, we should talk about what I like. We should talk about questions about me!

My favorite movie is all of the girl movies.
My favorite book is Olivia and the Missing Toy
My favorite food is lots of stuff but NOT SALAD.
My favorite song is My Pegasus.
My favorite colour is PINK!
My favorite letter is T

Apparently I am just not all that interesting to the small creature that I graciously brought into this world. That's gratitude for you.

What Did Parents Do Before Google?

This week I have spent a whole lot time with a very sick and very bored four year old, and have reached new insights into the way her brain works. I fear for us all.

Questions she has asked this week:

• What are mermaid scales made of?


• Are they different than fish scales?


• We know that mermaids live in the ocean, but can they live in ponds, lakes and rivers?


• What colour are our brains?


• Why do we have two feet? Is it so our shoes match?


• I know Canada is on the planet earth. What planet is Germany on?


• Are you sure it is on the same planet? I think we should check.


• How old are you?


• You are very old, Mommy, you should stop having birthdays. Right now. You've had enough, don't you think?


• Who lives in the center of the earth?


• Are you sure no one lives in the center of the earth? I think we should check.


• How did they pick the name for the colour blue? Why don't we call it green, or yellow?


• Can you wash the throw up out of my shoes, please?

So I Knit a Hat

This hat.

Using absolutely gorgeous, soft, now discontinued, stupidly expensive yarn. I knit it, stuck it on my head, and Mr. Man promptly burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Someone on Ravelry mentioned that they had knit this particular hat in pink, and it made them look like Strawberry Shortcake - maybe I should have stored that little pearl of wisdom away somewhere.

Like in my brain.

My yarn is not pink, but rather a lovely blend of brown, purple, and dark pink (it makes sense in person, I swear) so instead of Strawberry Shortcake, I look like - in the words of one friend who witnessed the idiocy that was this headgear - a demented white girl rastafarian. Oddly enough, the look I was aiming for wasn't Strawberry Shortcake's little friend, Organic Hemp Brownie, so I unraveled it.

No, there are no pictures.

What amazes me is the power of the human brain to overlook the obvious. The pattern is for a giant, cabled beret, made of giant yarn. Odds are, it's going to be big. The comments of others who have made it all discuss how oversized it is, and how it makes them look like an extra from Strawberry Shortcake on Ice. The picture on the cover of the magazine itself, is that of a really, really big ass hat. I have a small head. I look overwhelmingly bad in a big hat, I always have. I know this fact to be true. I know this, I looked at the pictures, I saw a giant hat.

And I knit it anyway.

There Are No Words...

... to describe exactly how much trouble the washing machine is in. It is on the most wanted list of Appliances That Will Face The Wall When The Revolution Comes. Oh yes, it better watch it's back, I tell you.

Why, you ask?



Mr. Man's sock. Knit for Christmas. Worn less than half a dozen times. GIANT HOLES ripped out of the fabric. At first I thought it was my fault, that the ends were not woven in well enough. Then I inspected it closely, and realized that no, there are just huge holes ripped out of it in random spots. HOLES. In random spots. HOLES. I managed to blow through the seven stages of grief in about fifteen minutes:

• Shock or Disbelief: What?! What is this?! A hole? Three holes? Three?!!!


• Denial: No, this can't be. I will look away, then slowly look again. Shit - they are still there.


• Bargaining: I skipped right over this one and went straight to profound and prolonged swearing.


• Guilt: I should have put it in a lingerie bag. It doesn't matter that I have washed socks in the machine without incident for years, I should have hand washed your preciousness.


• Anger: More swearing.


• Depression: I can't believe this happened. I need to go lie down and have a little cry.


• Acceptance: The washing machine must die.

I need a drink.

Pretty Pretty Things

We went to my parents house for family day, and my Mom graciously agreed to take some photos of some recent (and one not so recent) projects - because yarn always looks nicer in the great outdoors.

Tune Cap - Wendy Barnard design

This hat has a pocket stitched into the brim, along with holes to thread earphones through - so you can stick your Ipod in your hat brim and neatly tuck the cords away. It was a fun, easy knit.



Luxe Cowl - Knit Two Together

My first handspun turned into a fantastic cowl. I love it, it's so pretty and soft. It's a very fast knit, even if you have to spin an extra two feet to finish the bind off.



Easy Mittens - One Skein Wonders

I knit these ages ago, and I still love them to death.

The Best Quote Ever, Ever and Forever...

Well. At least the best quote if you watch Battlestar Galactica and are a big ol' nerd.

Like me.

"You six people who are left, that went along with our mutiny? You six people are awesome. Rapists, racists, murderers, insane bomber terrorists, good to see ya. Conner and Seelix? Good people, I'm proud to have you with me. Who needs Earth with a Douche Patrol like we got going here? Yeah! Now, I know many of you had loved ones on those ten ships, and all our food was there, but trust me: this next part is going to be great. ...Hmm? What's that? Oh, no. No plan of any sort. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that: we have no frakking clue what we're supposed to do now. I was just really pissed off. See, my leg got shot in this other mutiny -- not a great, awesome one like this, but a tiny, bitchy one -- and then my BFF shot herself in the head, and Gaius stopped returning my calls, and I became a heroin addict, then my bisexual college robot fling from New Caprica turned out to be a serial killer, and it turned out I knew that? Sort of. Oh, and plus, remember Earth? Yeah, right? Awkward! Then I broke up with my boyfriend for no reason, and then -- worst of all -- no matter how many times I stomped my feet -- um, foot -- and whined, people kept acting like there was a possible future, or that being kind to other people was a good idea. Fuckers. So... Yeah, that's about it. Not really a plan, per se, but at least our jump drives are still shitty and one-third as powerful as they could be, and I think all seven of us can agree that that's a good thing. Could you pass me the nothing? I'm sort of hungry."

~ from Television Without Pity