*sigh*

Do you ever get the sneaking suspicion that you have become really, really boring? I haven't been blogging much at all lately, because I haven't had much to say. For those who know me, you know how odd this is. I always have something to say!

So what the hell happened? When did I become so incredibly dull that my own musings bore the crap out of me? I used to be interesting. I used to dye my hair purple and go out dancing all night long, dressed in PVC hot pants and clinging to the bars of a makeshift cage. I used to go on impromptu road trips and splash around in fountains. I used to argue about philosophy until all hours of the morning, and rant about stuff I read the in the newspaper as though it actually mattered.

I am sitting here, wearing my emily t-shirt, emblazoned with the words "sixteen and gothic" and I have realized that I am no longer either. (Well, duh. :P) The thing is, I realize that we grow up, and it's not really my lost youth that I am mourning. (Okay, not much.) The accessories I have acquired throughout this life, my tattoos, my piercings, don't define me any more than my shaved head or my black lipstick did. It's okay that I am married now, and have a job, and can no longer go dancing on a Wednesday. It's okay that my road trips are mostly planned, and my black leather studded dog collar is in retirement. I can say with certainty that I like where I am, it's a nice place, and the view is pretty.

The thing is, where I was, wasn't really all that radical. Goth started before I was even born, and certainly wasn't new by the time I stumbled upon it sixteen years later. Being a disenchanted and disenfranchised university student sure as hell wasn't the cutting edge. Blue hair does not a revolution make. I am more radical now as I rapidly approach thirty than I ever was in my misspent youth. I learned how to think, and even more important, how to act, and my politics are no longer a fashion statement and a handy dating tool. So why am I so easily dismissed? Just another chick who got married and got boring. God, she probably even votes!

When did I become invisible?

I wear a disguise
I'm not just your average jane
The super doesn't stand for model
But that doesn't mean I'm plain
If all you see is how I look
You miss the superchick within
And I christen you titanic underestimate and swim
I've got the rifle gonna be myself

I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world
I'm a one girl revolution

Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone...

I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world
I'm a one girl revolution

~Superchic(k), One Girl Revolution