Which made me realize I am so not ready for dating. Not the date part, I like the actual date part - the going from the point A of my doorstep to the point B of our destination and all the little bits in between back to the point A of my doorstep at the end of the night. But I am not ready for the second date, or the one after that. I am okay with good dates, with fine dates, with lukewarm it-was-better-than-tv dates but I am not ready for the dating-as-a-vehicle-for-finding-a-future-relationship dates at all. I spent the better part of two hours in a car with someone while they told me all their "look how good a boyfriend I would be" bits and I realized I just didn't care to hear it. Tell me the stories, the anecdotes that make up the history of you and I will hang on your every word, but don't tell me how together you are - because I am scattered into little pieces and I don't care to have them picked up just yet.
Now don't get me wrong - I adore falling in love. I love that feeling - falling down into nothing and not worrying about where you are going to land. Love it so much I have let my wayward heart lead me all over the damn place. I have followed my tripping, skipping little heart to different cities, provinces, countries, even down the aisle leading to a minister - all in service of that blissful falling feeling. But I am not ready for the landing, and I don't want to fall today. Or tomorrow. Or next week, or the week after that. I don't have the emotional or mental energy to figure out how to fit someone else's puzzle pieces with mine and turn it into a picture.
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