The Power of The Belly

Although I whine and moan and bitch a lot, there is a certain power that comes with the pregnant belly. I liken it to the power of a phaser to to stun (not kill). It's as though an invisible force emanates from the belly, cutting a swath through crowds and silencing the unworthy. It's really good for getting through bunches of people milling about - I just point the belly and a path is cleared as though by magic.

It's amazing, really. I can be waiting in line for the bus, and all I have to do is point the belly and blam - I am in the front of the line. Then I just have to point it again, and no matter how crowded it is, someone gives me a seat. Sometimes I will be sitting at the front of the bus, and someone will give me, young thing that I am, a dirty look, and all I have to do is casually pat the belly (much the way a police officer will oh so casually rest their hand on their gun) to shame them into going away.

I've noticed that this nochalant belly rubbing has a multitude of uses. It works really well on the men delivering my groceries as they swear their way up my apartments three flights of stairs. By the time they hit my door and the shadow of the belly falls across the floor, they are turned into the most solicitous delivery people ever. My groceries no longer get dropped in an unceremonious heap on the hallway floor and actually get carried all the way into my kitchen. It's even made my job more pleasant. Not that customers aren't still obsessed with asking me personal questions, but no one is mean to me anymore. It's fascinating how much nicer people are now that no one wants to be the evil person who yelled at the pregnant woman.

Of course, it may seem a little wrong to shamelessly bask in the glory of such a power, but I figure that soon enough I will be stuck with that annoying "breeder" label, and will have to fend off eye rolling and angry mutterings as I struggle with a stroller up the steps of the bus, or my poor child dares to make a sound in public. Pregnant women may be revered and get to cut in line at the grocery store, but mothers just get dirty looks and well meaning "advice" as to how they are doing it all wrong. So I think I can be forgiven a little, as I take full advantage of this newfound power, fleeting though it may be.