Holy Crap! I'm Thirty!
Sheesh. When did that happen? I look at my life sometimes, with a newborn and a ten year old stepson and a husband and I wonder how exactly I got here. It's amazing really. Last year at this time I was pregnant and didn't even know it yet! I am sure I could wax a little more philosophical for you all, but I'm afraid I'm really, reaaally tired and my brain isn't working at full capacity these days.
I did want to mention something, though, on this exciting day that marks the end of a whole decade of life. I met my sixteen year old alter ego on the street the other day. It was very disconcerting, as you can imagine. I was walking along, my cute little darling asleep in the sling (you thought I might get through an entire entry without mentioning how cute she was, admit it)and this girl approached me from the opposite direction. She was the same build and colouring as me, and was wearing a black leather jacket, black shirt, a short black pleated skirt (one of those ones with the straight waist that is pleated at the bottom that are now back in style), white and black striped knee high socks and a pair of eight hole Doc's. I still have my striped socks - they were last worn by Tangwystl as part of a Halloween costume. It was very strange to see me at sixteen walking around in someone else's body. I wanted to go up to her and tell her that it might not look like it now, with my shoulder covered in baby puke and hair that looks like it was attacked by a weed whacker, but I used to be her. I figured that would really freak her out though, and most likely mark my official descent into crazy lady territory.
I would like to hold off on official crazy ladyness until I can find a really huge floppy hat to wear on market days. If you are going to do something, you shouldn't do it halfway.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Wednesday, October 6, 2004
Three Months!
Dear Teagan,
You are three months old now! Three whole months! This past month has brought exciting things, like sleeping through the night! Of course, it isn't all the time, or even most of the time, but when you do there is much rejoicing. Well, actually there is much sleeping, but there is rejoicing when I wake up and realize it is morning and not two am. And the napping! The long naps you occasionally grace us with! I run around like a crazy woman, doing dishes and folding laundry (with a good dose of knitting and reading and surfing the internet - no one can live on housework alone) while you blissfully sleep. Oh the sleeping, how we love the sleeping.
You've done more than just sleep, of course. You learned how to suck your thumb, and how to roll from front to back, and from your back to your side. You can also wiggle yourself in a complete circle, rotating on the axis that is your bum.
The absolute best thing is your laugh. You started to laugh this month, and it is the sweetest sound on this earth. The first time you laughed, we were having a lovely conversation where I asked you probing questions on the state of world, and you answered with much babbling and drooling. Then you let out a great big laugh. You looked so shocked that such a sound emerged from your body, and you went perfectly still. Then you started to cry.
Being little is hard sometimes, isn't it?
I can tell you now that being a Mommy involves a lot of worrying. I worry that you aren't eating enough, or you are eating too much, or if you are growing too fast or too slow. I worry that you might poke your own eye out with your amazing flailing fists. I worry that you might be getting bored, and immediately pull out all your toys and wave them in your face while you stare at the crazy lady. Right now I am a little worried that your hair is going to fall out. The back of your head is getting that fuzzy look of a well loved stuff toy. Although, if your hair did fall out then your Daddy and I could stop arguing about how red it is on any given day.
I don't think I have told you this yet, but I dreamed about you before you were born. While I was pregnant I had a dream that I gave birth to this amazing squawking round headed baby with massive amounts of red hair. In my dream, we named you Maeve. When you were born, you looked exactly like the baby in my dream. We had a last minute change of heart though, and named you Teagan - since the baby in my dream screamed A LOT.
Mommy thanks the heavens every day for your lack of screaming.
Love, Mom
You are three months old now! Three whole months! This past month has brought exciting things, like sleeping through the night! Of course, it isn't all the time, or even most of the time, but when you do there is much rejoicing. Well, actually there is much sleeping, but there is rejoicing when I wake up and realize it is morning and not two am. And the napping! The long naps you occasionally grace us with! I run around like a crazy woman, doing dishes and folding laundry (with a good dose of knitting and reading and surfing the internet - no one can live on housework alone) while you blissfully sleep. Oh the sleeping, how we love the sleeping.
You've done more than just sleep, of course. You learned how to suck your thumb, and how to roll from front to back, and from your back to your side. You can also wiggle yourself in a complete circle, rotating on the axis that is your bum.
The absolute best thing is your laugh. You started to laugh this month, and it is the sweetest sound on this earth. The first time you laughed, we were having a lovely conversation where I asked you probing questions on the state of world, and you answered with much babbling and drooling. Then you let out a great big laugh. You looked so shocked that such a sound emerged from your body, and you went perfectly still. Then you started to cry.
Being little is hard sometimes, isn't it?
I can tell you now that being a Mommy involves a lot of worrying. I worry that you aren't eating enough, or you are eating too much, or if you are growing too fast or too slow. I worry that you might poke your own eye out with your amazing flailing fists. I worry that you might be getting bored, and immediately pull out all your toys and wave them in your face while you stare at the crazy lady. Right now I am a little worried that your hair is going to fall out. The back of your head is getting that fuzzy look of a well loved stuff toy. Although, if your hair did fall out then your Daddy and I could stop arguing about how red it is on any given day.
I don't think I have told you this yet, but I dreamed about you before you were born. While I was pregnant I had a dream that I gave birth to this amazing squawking round headed baby with massive amounts of red hair. In my dream, we named you Maeve. When you were born, you looked exactly like the baby in my dream. We had a last minute change of heart though, and named you Teagan - since the baby in my dream screamed A LOT.
Mommy thanks the heavens every day for your lack of screaming.
Love, Mom
Friday, October 1, 2004
My Little Sleepyhead...
So, for her first two months of life, Teagan didn't nap. She just didn't. Oh sure, sometimes you could coax a nap out of her if you stuck her in her swing at just the right moment, but really it was a gamble. She liked napping in the sling or the stroller as long as there was NO STOPPING EVER. Pausing to chat with someone or to check out a cool pair of shoes was simply not tolerated. Sometimes she would have a little twenty minute catnap, and then be refreshed for another day of squawking and squeaking and smiling. I, on the other hand, wasn't quite so refreshed. I kept walking into rooms and not being able to remember why I was there. I would find myself holding the phone and pondering who it was I was going to call. If I paused in the middle of a sentence, I forgot what I was going to say. I fell asleep sitting up.
This past week has been bliss. She naps! Several times a day! For hours at a time! I've gotten laundry done and dishes washed. I can complete a whole entire sentence without Cliff Notes. I started knitting again. It's a miracle!
Although... as my baby peacefully sleeps yet again, I can't help but notice it's kind of quiet in here.
This past week has been bliss. She naps! Several times a day! For hours at a time! I've gotten laundry done and dishes washed. I can complete a whole entire sentence without Cliff Notes. I started knitting again. It's a miracle!
Although... as my baby peacefully sleeps yet again, I can't help but notice it's kind of quiet in here.
Monday, August 30, 2004
She is too cute! Too cute, I tell you!
Here is where I admit I have a shameful habit of attacking my baby with the camera about every five seconds or so. It's a sickness. I even tempt the wrath of the cranky I-just-woke-up-because-yet-another-flash-went-off-in-my-face baby. I am an evil mommy. Really though, can I be blamed? Is it my fault she is just too damned cute?!
Saturday, August 28, 2004
I find it fascinating...
That after 6 weeks or so of no entries that I find myself with over a thousand new comments. Five of which actually weren't spam! Of course, four comments were people who are still arguing with each other over my PETA post. Get over it, people. Go make your own blog and talk about the cuddly cows and fuzzy bunnies.
One person commented on how cute my baby is. Mwah! I love that person.
As an aside...
Doesn't it seem deeply ironic that a spam comment hawking online gambling would use as their "comment" a warning against the addictiveness of drugs? Drugs bad - gambling habit good? Either way, someone else winds up with your house.
One person commented on how cute my baby is. Mwah! I love that person.
As an aside...
Doesn't it seem deeply ironic that a spam comment hawking online gambling would use as their "comment" a warning against the addictiveness of drugs? Drugs bad - gambling habit good? Either way, someone else winds up with your house.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Saturday, July 10, 2004
She's Here!
We did it! Teagan Marie Lydia (quite the name for such a little thing) made her entrance into the world at 1:34 am, Tuesday, July 6th. She was a little earlier than expected (I never did get all that laundry done) but completely and impossibly perfect. We are in love, and I struggle daily to not gobble up her cuteness whole.
We attacked her with the camera mere moments after she was born:
We attacked her with the camera mere moments after she was born:
Monday, June 28, 2004
Odds and Sods
- My friend IWS was kind enough to update my blog to the newest version of Movable Type, which allows, among other cool features, the easy deletion of annoying spam emails trying to sell me viagra and time shares. Except....
- I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make my comments show up without needing approval first. Very annoying. So if your comment doesn't immediately show up, it's not you.
- Speaking of comments, if A. from the Highlander is still reading here, drop me a comment here, or if you can't, email me at chryse1 @ yahoo.ca - I think I might have accidentally banned your ISP.
- I am still very much pregnant which is okay by me, because I am not nearly close to done nesting. There are closets that still need rearranging and curtains to hem and I am sure I can find more things to vaccumn if I look really hard.
- It really is amazing how much housework you can find for yourself when you are completely ruled by the little recognized obsessive compulsive hormone.
- I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make my comments show up without needing approval first. Very annoying. So if your comment doesn't immediately show up, it's not you.
- Speaking of comments, if A. from the Highlander is still reading here, drop me a comment here, or if you can't, email me at chryse1 @ yahoo.ca - I think I might have accidentally banned your ISP.
- I am still very much pregnant which is okay by me, because I am not nearly close to done nesting. There are closets that still need rearranging and curtains to hem and I am sure I can find more things to vaccumn if I look really hard.
- It really is amazing how much housework you can find for yourself when you are completely ruled by the little recognized obsessive compulsive hormone.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Pictures and More Pictures...
So our baby shower was this past Sunday, and we recieved oodles and oodles of things, many of which are cute and small and just so damn cute. Although everything was wonderful, I had to post some of the cuter things. Because it is all about the cuteness.
My new favorite baby outfit:
These are just too small and terribly adorable:
Tangwystl's awesome salves:
And my Mom, who has gone completely and delightfully insane, and who hasn't stopped knitting for months now.
And I know you were all waiting for another belly picture (36 weeks):
My new favorite baby outfit:
These are just too small and terribly adorable:
Tangwystl's awesome salves:
And my Mom, who has gone completely and delightfully insane, and who hasn't stopped knitting for months now.
And I know you were all waiting for another belly picture (36 weeks):
Friday, June 11, 2004
The Name Game Part Two:
So, after many late night summit meetings, clandestine treaties and only a little crying, we have come up with both three boy and girl names that we can mull over for the next month.
Of course, we still need to figure out middle names....
Boy Names:
Conall
Dylan
Cameron
Girl Names
Deirdre
Teagan
Sophie
Of course, we still need to figure out middle names....
Boy Names:
Conall
Dylan
Cameron
Girl Names
Deirdre
Teagan
Sophie
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
The Name Game
My big fear right now isn't the pain of labour, or even the Stepford Wife nightmares that plague my nights. I'm afraid our poor baby is going to end up nameless. Apparently something about pregnancy has rewired my body chemistry and every name on the planet makes me want to vomit. I can't imagine any name special enough to grace my precious bundle of joy for their entire life. It doesn't help that as soon as I find a name I might like, my husband declares it awful. If the planets align and the stars collide and we actually manage to agree on a name, within seconds it becomes the trendiest name on the planet, and then I have to start all over again.
So here is the tentative name list...
Potential Names for the Little Precious Mutant Alien:
Boy Names:
Declan - celtic
means: Irish saint
Pro: Original, yet an actual name somewhere on the planet. Didn't just string some random letters together. Goes nicely with my stepson's name.
Con: A little on the "I must embrace my long lost celtic heritage because it's trendy dontcha know" side.
Riley - celtic
means: a small stream
Pro: Not quite trendy, not quite obscure. Simple, and goes well with the complicated last name.
Con: Becoming a very popular girls name. My husband hates it on the irrational basis that he thinks I am trying to name our child after characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He also thinks we shouldn't name our child after a Buffy character that I have been referring to as "Captain Cardboard" for the last few years.
Findlay/Finn - celtic
means: blond haired soldier
Pro: Makes me think of sailing down makeshift rafts on lazy summer days. Fairly uncommon.
Con: Sounds cute on a child, not so sure about a thirty five year old.
Cameron - celtic
means: bent nose
Pro: We actually agree on this name.
Con: Once we decided we both liked this name it immediately became one of the trendier boys names. Went from #80 on the most popular names list to #25 in three years. Don't want him to spend his entire school career being "Cameron H."
Girl Names:
Deirdre - celtic
means: sad one
Pro: Pretty without being too flowery. Fairly unique but still an actual name I didn't just make up. Kind of old fashioned but not in a Bertha-esque way.
Con: Not entirely sure I can spell or pronounce it correctly on any given day. Might end up with the nickname DeeDee.
Maeve - celtic
means: goddess of song
Pro: I like how this name sounds when said outloud. Like both the diminutives Eve/Evie, and Mae. Fairly uncommon.
Con: Same as for Declan. Trendy Irish naming pitfall.
Saffron - english
means: yellow flower
Pro: Love this name beyond all reason. Not entirely sure why.
Con: My husband has a thing against naming children after plants. Naming a child Saffron might compell me to adopt a british accent and start calling everyone "sweetie darling".
Teagan - celtic
means: - little poet
Pro: Pretty, while still being simple. Unique. Sounds nice with aforementioned complicated last name.
Con: Would have to pre-enroll my fetus into exclusive private preschool so she could hang out with her peers: Ainsley, Peyton, Shelby and MacKenzie.
Moira - celtic
means: bitter
Pro: Pretty, somewhat unusual and old fashioned sounding.
Con: Make me want to adopt a Jersey accent for no good reason and pronounce it: "Mwwwwoira". I don't know why.
Sophie - greek
means: wisdom
Pro: Very pretty and feminine. Not too weird or outlandish.
Con: I've only known two people names Sophie, both of which are deeply neurotic and slightly annoying individuals.
Rowan - celtic
means: tree with red berries
Pro: Pretty, without being as flowery as "Rowena". Fairly uncommon. Might be able to slip it by the "no plant name decree".
Con: Sounds like a character from a low rent Charmed rip off. "Hi, my name is Rowan Starbright and now I will draw down the moon."
So here is the tentative name list...
Potential Names for the Little Precious Mutant Alien:
Boy Names:
Declan - celtic
means: Irish saint
Pro: Original, yet an actual name somewhere on the planet. Didn't just string some random letters together. Goes nicely with my stepson's name.
Con: A little on the "I must embrace my long lost celtic heritage because it's trendy dontcha know" side.
Riley - celtic
means: a small stream
Pro: Not quite trendy, not quite obscure. Simple, and goes well with the complicated last name.
Con: Becoming a very popular girls name. My husband hates it on the irrational basis that he thinks I am trying to name our child after characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He also thinks we shouldn't name our child after a Buffy character that I have been referring to as "Captain Cardboard" for the last few years.
Findlay/Finn - celtic
means: blond haired soldier
Pro: Makes me think of sailing down makeshift rafts on lazy summer days. Fairly uncommon.
Con: Sounds cute on a child, not so sure about a thirty five year old.
Cameron - celtic
means: bent nose
Pro: We actually agree on this name.
Con: Once we decided we both liked this name it immediately became one of the trendier boys names. Went from #80 on the most popular names list to #25 in three years. Don't want him to spend his entire school career being "Cameron H."
Girl Names:
Deirdre - celtic
means: sad one
Pro: Pretty without being too flowery. Fairly unique but still an actual name I didn't just make up. Kind of old fashioned but not in a Bertha-esque way.
Con: Not entirely sure I can spell or pronounce it correctly on any given day. Might end up with the nickname DeeDee.
Maeve - celtic
means: goddess of song
Pro: I like how this name sounds when said outloud. Like both the diminutives Eve/Evie, and Mae. Fairly uncommon.
Con: Same as for Declan. Trendy Irish naming pitfall.
Saffron - english
means: yellow flower
Pro: Love this name beyond all reason. Not entirely sure why.
Con: My husband has a thing against naming children after plants. Naming a child Saffron might compell me to adopt a british accent and start calling everyone "sweetie darling".
Teagan - celtic
means: - little poet
Pro: Pretty, while still being simple. Unique. Sounds nice with aforementioned complicated last name.
Con: Would have to pre-enroll my fetus into exclusive private preschool so she could hang out with her peers: Ainsley, Peyton, Shelby and MacKenzie.
Moira - celtic
means: bitter
Pro: Pretty, somewhat unusual and old fashioned sounding.
Con: Make me want to adopt a Jersey accent for no good reason and pronounce it: "Mwwwwoira". I don't know why.
Sophie - greek
means: wisdom
Pro: Very pretty and feminine. Not too weird or outlandish.
Con: I've only known two people names Sophie, both of which are deeply neurotic and slightly annoying individuals.
Rowan - celtic
means: tree with red berries
Pro: Pretty, without being as flowery as "Rowena". Fairly uncommon. Might be able to slip it by the "no plant name decree".
Con: Sounds like a character from a low rent Charmed rip off. "Hi, my name is Rowan Starbright and now I will draw down the moon."
Monday, May 31, 2004
The Power of The Belly
Although I whine and moan and bitch a lot, there is a certain power that comes with the pregnant belly. I liken it to the power of a phaser to to stun (not kill). It's as though an invisible force emanates from the belly, cutting a swath through crowds and silencing the unworthy. It's really good for getting through bunches of people milling about - I just point the belly and a path is cleared as though by magic.
It's amazing, really. I can be waiting in line for the bus, and all I have to do is point the belly and blam - I am in the front of the line. Then I just have to point it again, and no matter how crowded it is, someone gives me a seat. Sometimes I will be sitting at the front of the bus, and someone will give me, young thing that I am, a dirty look, and all I have to do is casually pat the belly (much the way a police officer will oh so casually rest their hand on their gun) to shame them into going away.
I've noticed that this nochalant belly rubbing has a multitude of uses. It works really well on the men delivering my groceries as they swear their way up my apartments three flights of stairs. By the time they hit my door and the shadow of the belly falls across the floor, they are turned into the most solicitous delivery people ever. My groceries no longer get dropped in an unceremonious heap on the hallway floor and actually get carried all the way into my kitchen. It's even made my job more pleasant. Not that customers aren't still obsessed with asking me personal questions, but no one is mean to me anymore. It's fascinating how much nicer people are now that no one wants to be the evil person who yelled at the pregnant woman.
Of course, it may seem a little wrong to shamelessly bask in the glory of such a power, but I figure that soon enough I will be stuck with that annoying "breeder" label, and will have to fend off eye rolling and angry mutterings as I struggle with a stroller up the steps of the bus, or my poor child dares to make a sound in public. Pregnant women may be revered and get to cut in line at the grocery store, but mothers just get dirty looks and well meaning "advice" as to how they are doing it all wrong. So I think I can be forgiven a little, as I take full advantage of this newfound power, fleeting though it may be.
It's amazing, really. I can be waiting in line for the bus, and all I have to do is point the belly and blam - I am in the front of the line. Then I just have to point it again, and no matter how crowded it is, someone gives me a seat. Sometimes I will be sitting at the front of the bus, and someone will give me, young thing that I am, a dirty look, and all I have to do is casually pat the belly (much the way a police officer will oh so casually rest their hand on their gun) to shame them into going away.
I've noticed that this nochalant belly rubbing has a multitude of uses. It works really well on the men delivering my groceries as they swear their way up my apartments three flights of stairs. By the time they hit my door and the shadow of the belly falls across the floor, they are turned into the most solicitous delivery people ever. My groceries no longer get dropped in an unceremonious heap on the hallway floor and actually get carried all the way into my kitchen. It's even made my job more pleasant. Not that customers aren't still obsessed with asking me personal questions, but no one is mean to me anymore. It's fascinating how much nicer people are now that no one wants to be the evil person who yelled at the pregnant woman.
Of course, it may seem a little wrong to shamelessly bask in the glory of such a power, but I figure that soon enough I will be stuck with that annoying "breeder" label, and will have to fend off eye rolling and angry mutterings as I struggle with a stroller up the steps of the bus, or my poor child dares to make a sound in public. Pregnant women may be revered and get to cut in line at the grocery store, but mothers just get dirty looks and well meaning "advice" as to how they are doing it all wrong. So I think I can be forgiven a little, as I take full advantage of this newfound power, fleeting though it may be.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
I Love Lists, I Really, Really Do...
Got this from Meagan.
College Board's 101 Greatest Works of Literature:
Bold those you have read.
Italicize those you want to read.
* indicates personal favorites.
Beowulf (a translation)
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Brontë, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Brontë, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness *
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
Dante - Inferno (in translation)
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust *
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies*
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch-22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis*
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel GarcÃa - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved*
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm*
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar*
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye *
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein*
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Harrison Bergeron
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse
Wright, Richard - Native Son
College Board's 101 Greatest Works of Literature:
Bold those you have read.
Italicize those you want to read.
* indicates personal favorites.
Beowulf (a translation)
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Brontë, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Brontë, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness *
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
Dante - Inferno (in translation)
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust *
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies*
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch-22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis*
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel GarcÃa - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved*
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm*
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar*
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye *
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein*
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Harrison Bergeron
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse
Wright, Richard - Native Son
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I'm Not So Sure About This Pregnancy Thing
It has occurred to me that this whole pregnancy thing is completely illogical.
Seriously.
Never mind the absolute stupidity of how they come out - they barely fit in the first place. There simply isn't enough room in here. My stomach, my bladder, my lungs and various other organs have all been pushed aside to make room for little baby head and hands and feet. My yoga teacher has had to teach us techniques to help us breath around the baby pressing into our lungs. When else would you have to learn how to breath?! Breathing is supposed to just happen, and the only time we humans have to relearn how to do it is when we are doing incredibly unnatural things like floating deep in space or leagues under the sea.
Then there is my poor stomach, and the indignities inflicted on it. Stretch marks, itchy skin, amazing reversible belly buttons and stomach muscles that might never meet again are just the start. What no one ever mentions is how this giantly protruding stomach is an accident waiting to happen. This month alone, I have acquired a scar from where I scraped my belly on the edge of the bathroom counter, a gash from the tape dispenser at work, and am constantly knocking it into walls, chairs, tables, and people.
Now, my high school biology classes were long ago, but it just doesn't seem like nature planned the allocation of this particular space very well. Pre-baby, there seemed to be just enough room to fit everything - all my organs snuggled in together without a whole lot of wiggle room. My skin fit quite nicely over the whole deal, and everything seemed happy. Now my organs are all squished up and my skin is stretched so tightly I keep having nightmares that you can see the baby through my translucent belly. You would think they could have planned this whole baby making thing a little better and just started out with enough room to begin with. Maybe then I would stop getting kicked in the pancreas. You know, I'm not entirely sure what the pancreas does, but I am pretty sure it's important, and shouldn't be kicked.
The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that marsupials have it all figured out. This is what we need - a conveniently located pouch, not only allowing enough room for the baby to lounge comfortably without using any important organs as a pillow, but also allowing for a much more civilized delivery. Post baby, we would be lift with a nifty pocket for spare keys and loose change. We would never have to match a purse to our shoes again!
Seriously.
Never mind the absolute stupidity of how they come out - they barely fit in the first place. There simply isn't enough room in here. My stomach, my bladder, my lungs and various other organs have all been pushed aside to make room for little baby head and hands and feet. My yoga teacher has had to teach us techniques to help us breath around the baby pressing into our lungs. When else would you have to learn how to breath?! Breathing is supposed to just happen, and the only time we humans have to relearn how to do it is when we are doing incredibly unnatural things like floating deep in space or leagues under the sea.
Then there is my poor stomach, and the indignities inflicted on it. Stretch marks, itchy skin, amazing reversible belly buttons and stomach muscles that might never meet again are just the start. What no one ever mentions is how this giantly protruding stomach is an accident waiting to happen. This month alone, I have acquired a scar from where I scraped my belly on the edge of the bathroom counter, a gash from the tape dispenser at work, and am constantly knocking it into walls, chairs, tables, and people.
Now, my high school biology classes were long ago, but it just doesn't seem like nature planned the allocation of this particular space very well. Pre-baby, there seemed to be just enough room to fit everything - all my organs snuggled in together without a whole lot of wiggle room. My skin fit quite nicely over the whole deal, and everything seemed happy. Now my organs are all squished up and my skin is stretched so tightly I keep having nightmares that you can see the baby through my translucent belly. You would think they could have planned this whole baby making thing a little better and just started out with enough room to begin with. Maybe then I would stop getting kicked in the pancreas. You know, I'm not entirely sure what the pancreas does, but I am pretty sure it's important, and shouldn't be kicked.
The more I think about this, the more I am convinced that marsupials have it all figured out. This is what we need - a conveniently located pouch, not only allowing enough room for the baby to lounge comfortably without using any important organs as a pillow, but also allowing for a much more civilized delivery. Post baby, we would be lift with a nifty pocket for spare keys and loose change. We would never have to match a purse to our shoes again!
Friday, May 14, 2004
Random Notes From The Crazy House
- Nesting has officially begun. Last weekend all the dressers in the apartment switched bedrooms and were rearranged. I started putting wedding photos in actual photo albums. (Wedding was four years ago.) Last six years worth of photos are arranged and sorted and ready to leave their shoe box.
- As a side note, why are replacement sheets for photo albums five for four dollars, but a photo album of fifty sheets is 7.99?
- Putting the hamster cage in front of a mirror is apparently the same as having two hamsters. Either that, or my hamster is very, very vain and has fallen in love with his own reflection.
- I am so pathetic that a free jumbo container of laundry detergent can make me smile all weekend.
- Although I only managed to stomach twenty minutes, "The Swan" has just won the "most appalling show ever" category.
- Has anyone else seen these new plastic flip flops with the tiny high heels? What exactly is the point?! Seems about as attractive as those platform running shoes someone tried to convince the world was a brilliant idea several years ago.
- Apparently some of my friends were laying bets on when I would graduate to the "small tent" style of maternity fashion. So glad I could make it past 30 weeks, and that my fashion hell amuses someone. I live to entertain. (Insert eye rolling here: ______ )
- Speaking of fashion, I really didn't anticipate it being this freakin' hot this freakin' early, and I am beginning to worry that I won't have anything to wear for the next eight weeks, but I don't want to buy yet more maternity clothes. This could be interesting.
- The belly that ate Manhattan and a few other boroughs (31 weeks):
- As a side note, why are replacement sheets for photo albums five for four dollars, but a photo album of fifty sheets is 7.99?
- Putting the hamster cage in front of a mirror is apparently the same as having two hamsters. Either that, or my hamster is very, very vain and has fallen in love with his own reflection.
- I am so pathetic that a free jumbo container of laundry detergent can make me smile all weekend.
- Although I only managed to stomach twenty minutes, "The Swan" has just won the "most appalling show ever" category.
- Has anyone else seen these new plastic flip flops with the tiny high heels? What exactly is the point?! Seems about as attractive as those platform running shoes someone tried to convince the world was a brilliant idea several years ago.
- Apparently some of my friends were laying bets on when I would graduate to the "small tent" style of maternity fashion. So glad I could make it past 30 weeks, and that my fashion hell amuses someone. I live to entertain. (Insert eye rolling here: ______ )
- Speaking of fashion, I really didn't anticipate it being this freakin' hot this freakin' early, and I am beginning to worry that I won't have anything to wear for the next eight weeks, but I don't want to buy yet more maternity clothes. This could be interesting.
- The belly that ate Manhattan and a few other boroughs (31 weeks):
Sunday, April 25, 2004
To Friends, Coworkers, Random Strangers on the Street...
Appropriate things to say to a pregnant woman:
Wow, you look great!
How are you feeling?
Oooohhh your belly is so cute. (Best attempted if you are blonde and bouncy.)
How are you?
Inappropriate things to say:
Are you sure you aren't carrying twins/triplets?
You are HUGE!
My friend/sister/daughter is due six weeks before you and is way smaller.
I am at a loss as to how to respond to some of the comments that I get on a seemingly daily basis. Don't people realize how rude they sound? I'm afraid I became a little shrill yesterday when responding to the co-owner of the store with: "My midwife measured me two days ago and I am perfect. Perfect! Totally and completely average, do you hear me?!"
Of course, my first reaction was to kick her in the shin, so a little shrill was probably the way to go.
Wow, you look great!
How are you feeling?
Oooohhh your belly is so cute. (Best attempted if you are blonde and bouncy.)
How are you?
Inappropriate things to say:
Are you sure you aren't carrying twins/triplets?
You are HUGE!
My friend/sister/daughter is due six weeks before you and is way smaller.
I am at a loss as to how to respond to some of the comments that I get on a seemingly daily basis. Don't people realize how rude they sound? I'm afraid I became a little shrill yesterday when responding to the co-owner of the store with: "My midwife measured me two days ago and I am perfect. Perfect! Totally and completely average, do you hear me?!"
Of course, my first reaction was to kick her in the shin, so a little shrill was probably the way to go.
Tuesday, April 6, 2004
New Musical Discoveries
Much thanks to A. from work for introducing me to two more worthwhile musical discoveries. Anything that makes the hours of retail madness a little more pleasant must be celebrated.
Seelyhoo
The Be Good Tanyas
Speaking of retail madness, this week we progressed from general pregnancy related nosiness to unsolicited parenting advice from total strangers. I am soooo glad someone took the time to inform me that if my child doesn't know the word "no" by a year old, they will never learn anything in school and become shiftless, directionless burdens to society. Who could have known I was so close to parenting disaster?!!
Seelyhoo
The Be Good Tanyas
Speaking of retail madness, this week we progressed from general pregnancy related nosiness to unsolicited parenting advice from total strangers. I am soooo glad someone took the time to inform me that if my child doesn't know the word "no" by a year old, they will never learn anything in school and become shiftless, directionless burdens to society. Who could have known I was so close to parenting disaster?!!
Thursday, April 1, 2004
So, I have been taking suggestions...
On ways to discourage the belly touching I bitched about earlier this week. I am thinking anything involving barbed wire/electric fencing is a little inconvenient.
So far I have:
Wearing a sign that says: You realize that you're not actually touching the baby, don't you?
Ripping open a moist disinfectant towellette and wiping down my belly each time a stranger touches it. Although that could result in dry skin.
Touching their belly back - although it might get the point across, it does have the downside of involving more contact with strangers, instead of less.
Yelling: "Oh yeah, rub the buddha baby."
Hitting.
So far I have:
Wearing a sign that says: You realize that you're not actually touching the baby, don't you?
Ripping open a moist disinfectant towellette and wiping down my belly each time a stranger touches it. Although that could result in dry skin.
Touching their belly back - although it might get the point across, it does have the downside of involving more contact with strangers, instead of less.
Yelling: "Oh yeah, rub the buddha baby."
Hitting.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Touch the Belly and Die
The problem with working retail while pregnant is that your belly is in the public domain. It never ceases to amaze me how every rule of social etiquette falls completely to the wayside when people are faced with a pregnant woman, particularly when part of their job description involves being pleasant and most specifically not hitting people. So, I have resigned myself to spending at least eight hours a day, every day answering the same damn questions and nimbly trying to avoid those who would touch the belly.
I was thinking - in the interest of simplifying my life - that I could make a couple of signs that I could prop up on the counter at work. I thought I could make two; one for the generally polite yet insanely curious crowd, and one for the rest of the world.
Sign #1
Yes, I am indeed pregnant, and you successfully avoided a serious social gaffe. Yes, this is is my first baby, and I am due in early July. No, I don't know if it is a boy or a girl. No, I don't plan on finding out. Yes, my husband and I are excited (and how clever you were to slip that question in while pointedly looking for the wedding rings that no longer fit on my fingers.) Thank you for your well wishes and please, please, please don't start telling me about your friend's, cousin's, neighbour's housekeeper who had a horrible, awful labour that resulted in the death of everyone involved, including innocent bystanders.
Sign #2
No, I really am not huge/small for 4/5/6 months along and yes, I am sure it is really just one baby, ha ha ha. Yes, I am stunned and impressed with your ability to tell that I am carrying a boy/girl based merely on the sight of my Old Navy Maternity clad belly. No, I really don't need to sit down right this instant and in fact, if I spent the next 5/4/3 months sitting down my ass would expand to the size of a small city. No, that isn't a cup of coffee it is herbal tea, and my lunch is my bag if you would like to inspect that for soft cheeses and other contraband. Yes, I know it's shocking but pregnancy hasn't turned me into a total invalid, and I can still perform the duties of my job (which isn't exactly rocket science to begin with) and even lift that six ounce knick knack and place it in a box without assistance. No, I will not give you - you total and complete stranger - fertility advice, and does your wife know you are running around town telling people all about her fertility woes? Yes, I am a goddess, thanks for noticing, now go away you are creeping me out. NO, YOU MAY NOT TOUCH THE BELLY!
I was thinking - in the interest of simplifying my life - that I could make a couple of signs that I could prop up on the counter at work. I thought I could make two; one for the generally polite yet insanely curious crowd, and one for the rest of the world.
Sign #1
Yes, I am indeed pregnant, and you successfully avoided a serious social gaffe. Yes, this is is my first baby, and I am due in early July. No, I don't know if it is a boy or a girl. No, I don't plan on finding out. Yes, my husband and I are excited (and how clever you were to slip that question in while pointedly looking for the wedding rings that no longer fit on my fingers.) Thank you for your well wishes and please, please, please don't start telling me about your friend's, cousin's, neighbour's housekeeper who had a horrible, awful labour that resulted in the death of everyone involved, including innocent bystanders.
Sign #2
No, I really am not huge/small for 4/5/6 months along and yes, I am sure it is really just one baby, ha ha ha. Yes, I am stunned and impressed with your ability to tell that I am carrying a boy/girl based merely on the sight of my Old Navy Maternity clad belly. No, I really don't need to sit down right this instant and in fact, if I spent the next 5/4/3 months sitting down my ass would expand to the size of a small city. No, that isn't a cup of coffee it is herbal tea, and my lunch is my bag if you would like to inspect that for soft cheeses and other contraband. Yes, I know it's shocking but pregnancy hasn't turned me into a total invalid, and I can still perform the duties of my job (which isn't exactly rocket science to begin with) and even lift that six ounce knick knack and place it in a box without assistance. No, I will not give you - you total and complete stranger - fertility advice, and does your wife know you are running around town telling people all about her fertility woes? Yes, I am a goddess, thanks for noticing, now go away you are creeping me out. NO, YOU MAY NOT TOUCH THE BELLY!
Spring Reading List
I am making this list hoping I might actually find the time to read someday. Maybe even whole pages in one sitting! Of course, there is only a fifty percent chance I will remember anything I've read from one moment to the next, so I might just read the same paragraph for the next fifteen weeks or so. My brain has been co-opted by pregnancy hormones (did I mention I forgot my own mother's phone number the other day - she's had the same number for twelve years) so this reading list is populated totally by fluff - I've been told I should have the full use of my faculties back by 2007 or so.
Fiction:
A Superior Death - Nevada Barr
Sick Puppy - Carl Hiaasen
Grave Secrets - Kathy Reichs
Disordered Minds - Minette Walters
How To Be Good - Nick Hornby
Louisiana Hotshot - Julie Smith
Non Fiction:
The same two books I have been reading for months.
The Baby Book - Dr. William Sears
The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth - Dr. Sheila Kitzinger
Fiction:
A Superior Death - Nevada Barr
Sick Puppy - Carl Hiaasen
Grave Secrets - Kathy Reichs
Disordered Minds - Minette Walters
How To Be Good - Nick Hornby
Louisiana Hotshot - Julie Smith
Non Fiction:
The same two books I have been reading for months.
The Baby Book - Dr. William Sears
The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth - Dr. Sheila Kitzinger
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Monday, March 22, 2004
Someone Give Me a Cookie - Now!
Oh the cravings. You don't understand, until you have experienced them, the depth and breadth of the pregnancy craving. I foolishly thought they were just a way to get your husband to go buy you a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos at two am without complaint. How wrong, how very wrong I was. I swear it's as though the baby has a takeout menu and a direct line to my stomach stashed away in there. And it better in come in thirty minutes or less or else.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
It is Very Strange...
...to watch a little foot (or maybe it was a head, or elbow, or fist) cause your belly to bounce around. I'm not used to seeing parts of my body move independently of me. Sometimes you get so used to being big and round and unweildy, you forget there is someone in there.
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