Hindsight is 20/20

there's really no hope for me
and that three second rule
somethin gets dropped
and still i'm the slowest damn fool
slow to realize what's really going on
slow to know in a moment
who or what has gone wrong
i wanna tighten down on the lag time
~ Lag Time, Ani DiFranco

I Love My Friends...

My Grandfather died on Monday, and I was horribly sick throughout the wake and funeral. I want to send out a huge thank you to all of my friends who came with me to the wake and funeral and held my hand and were just totally the most fantastic people a girl could ask for.

Thank you - I love you guys.

Wow...

Remind me not to write anymore snarky letters to the universe, ever again. I think the only reason this day couldn't possibly get any worse is because technically it is over.

So Sucky...

Dear Universe,

Ha ha ha.

Very funny.

If moving didn't make me throw up right now, I would so kick your ass. 

                                      Sincerely, 
                                      The Very Ill Girl

Stick a Fork In Me

"In the clearing stands a boxer,
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame,
"I am leaving, I am leaving."

But the fighter still remains..."
~The Boxer, Simon and Garfunkel

Dear Universe,

This past year has kicked my ass, thank you very much. I've had about as many life lessons and opportunities to learn and grow as a person as I can take. Unless you are sending me the happy I have so sorely misplaced, I am on vacation until further notice. You want to bring any more death or change it will have to wait until the new year.

Sincerely,
A Very Tired Girl

So I Went on a Date Friday Night...

Which made me realize I am so not ready for dating. Not the date part, I like the actual date part - the going from the point A of my doorstep to the point B of our destination and all the little bits in between back to the point A of my doorstep at the end of the night. But I am not ready for the second date, or the one after that. I am okay with good dates, with fine dates, with lukewarm it-was-better-than-tv dates but I am not ready for the dating-as-a-vehicle-for-finding-a-future-relationship dates at all. I spent the better part of two hours in a car with someone while they told me all their "look how good a boyfriend I would be" bits and I realized I just didn't care to hear it. Tell me the stories, the anecdotes that make up the history of you and I will hang on your every word, but don't tell me how together you are - because I am scattered into little pieces and I don't care to have them picked up just yet.

Now don't get me wrong - I adore falling in love. I love that feeling - falling down into nothing and not worrying about where you are going to land. Love it so much I have let my wayward heart lead me all over the damn place. I have followed my tripping, skipping little heart to different cities, provinces, countries, even down the aisle leading to a minister - all in service of that blissful falling feeling. But I am not ready for the landing, and I don't want to fall today. Or tomorrow. Or next week, or the week after that. I don't have the emotional or mental energy to figure out how to fit someone else's puzzle pieces with mine and turn it into a picture.