To Friends, Coworkers, Random Strangers on the Street...

Appropriate things to say to a pregnant woman:
Wow, you look great!
How are you feeling?
Oooohhh your belly is so cute. (Best attempted if you are blonde and bouncy.)
How are you?

Inappropriate things to say:
Are you sure you aren't carrying twins/triplets?
You are HUGE!
My friend/sister/daughter is due six weeks before you and is way smaller.

I am at a loss as to how to respond to some of the comments that I get on a seemingly daily basis. Don't people realize how rude they sound? I'm afraid I became a little shrill yesterday when responding to the co-owner of the store with: "My midwife measured me two days ago and I am perfect. Perfect! Totally and completely average, do you hear me?!"

Of course, my first reaction was to kick her in the shin, so a little shrill was probably the way to go.

New Musical Discoveries

Much thanks to A. from work for introducing me to two more worthwhile musical discoveries. Anything that makes the hours of retail madness a little more pleasant must be celebrated.

Seelyhoo
The Be Good Tanyas

Speaking of retail madness, this week we progressed from general pregnancy related nosiness to unsolicited parenting advice from total strangers. I am soooo glad someone took the time to inform me that if my child doesn't know the word "no" by a year old, they will never learn anything in school and become shiftless, directionless burdens to society. Who could have known I was so close to parenting disaster?!!

So, I have been taking suggestions...

On ways to discourage the belly touching I bitched about earlier this week. I am thinking anything involving barbed wire/electric fencing is a little inconvenient.

So far I have:

Wearing a sign that says: You realize that you're not actually touching the baby, don't you?

Ripping open a moist disinfectant towellette and wiping down my belly each time a stranger touches it. Although that could result in dry skin.

Touching their belly back - although it might get the point across, it does have the downside of involving more contact with strangers, instead of less.

Yelling: "Oh yeah, rub the buddha baby."

Hitting.